Thrive Gentleness Teaching Notes
Opening Scripture
Philippians 4:5 – “Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand.”This verse reminds us that gentleness is not passivity—it’s intentional softness rooted in the nearness of God. It is strength under control, compassion in action.
Topic: Gentleness – A Fruit of the Spirit
Galatians 5:22-23 The fruit of the Spirit includes gentleness, which is often overlooked but deeply powerful. It is the posture of Christ toward the broken, the sinner, the confused, and the fearful. It is our calling in how we relate to ourselves, one another, and the world.
Gentleness is not weakness: Gentleness is a purposeful and intentional withholding of one’s strength, wrath, power and authority to extend love, mercy and grace to others. Gentleness is the very nature of God. Jesus is the embodiment of gentleness, the perfect example of God’s love, mercy and grace. To be a Christian does not mean we are simply believers in the divine nature of Jesus, his life, death and resurrection.
Being a Christian is being one who follows Christ in his example. If we are not a walking expression of gentleness, we cannot be a walking expression of Christ.
Gentleness Must Be Learned
Gentleness is not instinctive—not in the animal world and certainly not in humans. It’s a fruit, which means it grows over time as a result of our connection to the vine. It must be learned and can only be learned from Him, who is the fullest expression of gentleness. 2 Peter 1: 3-4
Illustration: Children and the Command “Gentle!”
Even as parents, when our babies were just beginning to explore their world, they didn’t know how to regulate their strength. They would grab hair, scratch faces, or pinch while trying to interact—expressing affection without restraint. We didn’t scold, but we trained. We would say:“Gentle!” or “Easy!”…not because they were malicious, but because they hadn’t yet learned that loving interaction sometimes requires holding back strength. Gentleness had to be taught.
Illustration: Horses and the Word “Easy”
Similarly, with horses—a symbol of controlled power—we use the word “Easy!” to signal restraint. When we want them to slow down, move carefully, or tread lightly, it’s not because they lack strength but because they need to learn how to modulate it. A powerful animal becomes trustworthy not through brute force, but through gentle obedience. Contrast the difference between riding the unbroken, unmanageable or unruly horse verses the beauty, grace and powerful effectiveness of the well-trained horse and rider. (Psalm 32:9)
The wild horse, once trained… becomes gentle, controllable, useable only when it leans to trust the rider. It does not abandon its strength and power, it simply surrenders it to the authority of the rider.
Gentleness as the “Easy Button” for Life’s Hardships
The Hebrew word for gentleness "ענווה" (anavah) can also be interpreted to mean “EASY.” This brings up a modern metaphor. Remember the old “Easy Button” from TV ads? People would hit it and instantly their problems would resolve.
We laugh—but perhaps the real easy button in our spiritual life is gentleness.
· When life gets hard… what if we hit the “gentleness” button?
· When relationships feel tense… what if our response was “easy now… gentle…”
· When inner anxiety rises, what if the Spirit said: “Be gentle with yourself.”
Gentleness may not fix everything immediately—but it changes how we walk through everything.
Jesus’ Yoke Is Gentleness
Matthew 11:29-30 (NIV)"Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Jesus doesn’t just describe the weight of His calling—He describes the spirit in which it’s carried: gentleness.
When Jesus invites us to take His yoke upon our shoulders, He immediately identifies the defining quality of that yoke: “I am gentle and humble in heart.”
His yoke isn’t just a metaphor for obedience or discipleship—it’s a picture of how we are to carry ourselves through life:
Yoke = Gentleness.
His yoke is “easy” not because life becomes effortless, but because He teaches us to walk in gentleness—a Spirit-empowered posture that softens even heavy loads.
Burden = Light.
The work we are called to do in Christ is light when compared to the heavy burdens of perfectionism, performance, and striving in our own strength. Gentleness makes space for grace.
Interpretation:Jesus is saying: “Walk beside Me. Learn how to carry the challenges of life the way I do—with gentleness, humility, and grace. That’s the easy yoke. That’s the light burden.”
The Beatitudes and Gentleness
Matthew 5:5 – “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.”
The word meek here is often misunderstood as weakness, but it’s better understood as gentleness under control. The Greek word praus is the same root concept used to describe a powerful horse that has been trained to respond to the reins of its master—strength that is yielded, not lost.
This verse reminds us that:
· Gentleness is not only a fruit of the Spirit—it is a kingdom posture.
· Meekness doesn’t lead to loss—it leads to inheritance.
· The world rewards aggression and dominance, but the kingdom of God honors those who walk in gentleness.
Gentleness is not a sign of timidity. It is a mark of spiritual authority and trustworthiness.
Passivity / Timidity / Passive Aggression are not Gentleness
Passivity in Men
1 Corinthians 16:13–14 (ESV)"Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love."
This is the perfect scriptural tension between strength and tenderness—between courage and love. It gives us a clear entry point to distinguish passivity from gentleness, especially for men who have been shaped by cultural confusion over what it means to be godly and masculine.
Many men today—and since the time of Adam—struggle with passivity. It shows up as disengagement, indecision, withdrawal, or silence in the face of conflict. Tragically, passivity is often confused with gentleness or meekness, but they are not the same at all.
Likewise many women today –and since the time of Eve –struggle with a passive aggression.
Passivity Defined:
Passivity is the absence of decisive action.
It is shrinking back when we are called to step forward.
It is avoiding leadership, truth-telling, or responsibility under the guise of “not wanting to stir things up.”
Passivity is rooted in fear, insecurity, or laziness—not in the Spirit.
Gentleness Defined:
Gentleness is the intentional restraint of strength for the good of others.
It is courage in a whisper—truth spoken with grace.
It is engaged leadership that never uses its power to wound but to heal.
Gentleness is not weakness—it is disciplined strength.
Adam’s sin in the garden wasn’t aggression. It was passivity. He stood by and watched the serpent deceive Eve and said nothing. That silence has echoed through generations of men who have not understood their role as both gentle and bold.
Practical Contrast:
Passivity
Avoids confrontation
Withdraws emotionally or spiritually
Fears failure or discomfort
Keeps peace at any cost
Silences truth to avoid conflict
Gentleness
Addresses with love and clarity
Leans in with compassionate presence
Acts even when it’s uncomfortable
Makes peace by confronting with grace
Speaks truth in love (Ephesians 4:15)
Challenge to Men:
God is not calling men to be passive or harsh—but to be gentle warriors.A gentle man is not a quiet bystander. He is a Spirit-led leader who knows how to be soft with his children, clear with his spouse, humble in correction, and bold in truth—all without losing the fruit of the Spirit.
“Let all that you do be done in love.” – 1 Corinthians 16:14
Timidity vs. Gentleness: A Vital Contrast for Women
Many women have been taught—whether through culture, tradition, or skewed theology—that their highest virtue is timidity, or a kind of quiet subservience. While Scripture certainly upholds humility, submission in marriage, and a gentle spirit, it never calls women to erase their voice, their strength, or their calling.
In fact, the Word paints a far more empowered picture.
Timidity/Subservience Defined:
Timidity is rooted in fear of being rejected, “too much,” or out of place.
It is a reluctance to speak up, take responsibility, or step into leadership, often masked as “humility.”
Subservience is the belief that obedience to God means yielding to others in every situation, even when truth or justice is at stake.
Timidity is not a fruit of the Spirit—gentleness is.
Gentleness Defined:
Gentleness is not the absence of voice—it is the anointing of voice with peace.
It is being secure in Christ while yielding control to the Spirit, not to fear or the opinions of others.
Gentleness is courage expressed through compassion—it does not hide or shrink but shapes the atmosphere with kindness and strength.
In Jesus, women were never silenced. They were honored, healed, commissioned, and included. From Mary Magdalene to the woman at the well, He restored dignity without erasing strength.
Practical Contrast:
Timidity / Subservience
Silences her own voice to please others
Withdraws from leadership or purpose
Feels unworthy or incapable
Equates holiness with invisibility
Avoids conflict out of fear
Gentleness
Speaks truth seasoned with grace
Steps up with humility and peace
Walks in Spirit-given confidence
Reflects Christ through visible character
Handles conflict with wisdom and calm
Challenge to Women:
God has not called you to disappear in the name of meekness. He has called you to shine with a gentle strength that heals, leads, restores, and nurtures. Your gentleness is not silence—it is your spiritual authority clothed in love.
“She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.” – Proverbs 31:26
Proverbs 15:1 (NIV)"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."
Gentleness vs. Passive Aggression: Exposing the Counterfeit
While some struggle with passivity or timidity, others lean toward passive aggression—a relational behavior that looks calm on the surface but carries undercurrents of frustration, sarcasm, resentment, or silent retaliation. Passive aggression is a subtle form of hostility—it masquerades as politeness or restraint, but underneath, it resists truth, punishes others indirectly, and avoids healthy conflict. It is counterfeit gentleness—a false peace that corrodes relationships from within.
Many of us, both men and women, have used passive aggression when we felt powerless, unheard, or unwilling to confront something directly.
Passive Aggression Defined:
Passive aggression is hidden hostility masked as politeness.
It is avoiding honest confrontation by using indirect or manipulative behavior to express anger, dissatisfaction, or disapproval.
It often involves sarcasm, withdrawal, silent treatment, backhanded compliments, or subtle sabotage.
Passive aggression protects pride at the cost of peace.
Practical Contrast:
Passive Aggression
Withholds truth to avoid vulnerability
Uses tone, sarcasm, or silence to punish
Avoids conflict but leaves others confused
Deflects ownership, blames indirectly
Resents instead of resolves
Gentleness
Speaks the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15)
Uses tone and language to heal and invite
Engages conflict with clarity and peace
Accepts responsibility with grace
Reconciles with compassion and courage
Challenge to Everyone:
Passive aggression may feel safer than direct honesty, but it slowly erodes trust and intimacy. Gentleness is the Spirit’s way—not just keeping peace, but making peace. Jesus never used sarcasm to wound. He never avoided the truth. He spoke directly, even when it was difficult—but always with love, always with a redemptive heart. In your conversations this week, ask:
Am I holding back truth in the name of being “nice”?
Is my tone inviting or punishing?
How can I use gentleness to bring clarity, not confusion?