Thrive Pillar #7 Forgiveness
Releasing the Debt Before Moving Forward
This Thrive teaching is on Extending Forgiveness. Which is our pillar #7. The Thrive philosophy follows the biblical principle of "forgive us our trespasses as we have forgiven those who trespass against us." We are instructed to forgive and Jesus taught that we should ask for forgiveness from God after we have extended forgiveness to others. So, before we deal with Pillar 8 "Ask For Change" or pillar 9 "Ask for Help" we have to remove bitterness and unforgiveness. This is a process, it takes time. Forgiveness is something that we cannot do in statement only. It is something that we must do, and do again until we really are ready to move on. If we get to "Amends" pillar 10 but there is no evidence of repentance (or change) in our life, those we seek forgiveness from, will see it as checking a box. not a heart position. This is a difference from traditional 12 steps which we believe is essential. Also, we must be able to forgive ourselves from past mistakes and traumas. We cannot heal or expect life change carrying unforgiveness of others or self-blame. We cannot fully receive God’s healing while holding on to bitterness, resentment, or self-condemnation.
“Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” — Colossians 3:13
1. Opening: Their Hook vs Your Hook
Start here—it’s vivid and experiential.
As long as you refuse to forgive, you are still hooked:
Hooked to the person
Hooked to the moment
Hooked to the pain
The question people ask is:“Why should I let them off my hook?”
Answer:Because as long as they’re on your hook… you’re not free.
Forgiveness is setting a captive free—and realizing you were the captive.
2. Forgiveness is Kingdom Language
Scripture Foundation:
Matthew 6:12–15 And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one,
14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Forgiveness is not optional—it is commanded.
It is how the Kingdom operates
It is how relationships are restored
It is how hearts are healed
We forgive because we have been forgiven.
3. Why Forgiveness Comes Before Change or Help
Before:
Pillar 8 (Ask for Change)
Pillar 9 (Ask for Help)
We must deal with what is beneath the surface.
Bitterness hardens the heart
Unforgiveness clouds discernment
Pain becomes a barrier to prayer and growth
Spiritual Reality:You cannot be filled with healing while holding onto poison.
4. The Three Categories People Miss
Forgiveness is broader than most people realize. There are three directions:
1. Others
Those who wounded, rejected, or harmed you
2. Yourself
Past mistakes, failures, shame
3. God
Disappointment, confusion, unmet expectations
This last one is often hidden but critical.
When people carry unresolved thoughts like:
“God, why didn’t You stop this?”
“Why didn’t You come through?”
It creates a silent barrier in their relationship with Him.
Bringing this into the light is essential for full healing.
5. Forgiveness is a Process, Not Just a Statement
Forgiveness is not proven in a moment—it is revealed over time.
You may say “I forgive,” and still feel pain later
That doesn’t mean you failed—it means you’re healing
Forgiveness is repeated obedience.
When it resurfaces:
You forgive again
You release again
You choose again
Key Truth:Forgiveness is a decision of the will—even when emotions lag behind.
6. What Forgiveness Is—and Is Not
Forgiveness IS:
Releasing the debt to God
Surrendering your right to revenge
Choosing obedience
Opening the door to healing
Forgiveness is NOT:
Forgetting (that may come later)
Excusing sin
Removing boundaries
Immediate trust
Forced reconciliation
You can forgive someone and still:
Set boundaries
Speak truth
Even pursue justice if necessary
7. The Anchor: The Cross
Forgiveness is not based on fairness—it is based on the Cross.
At the cross, Jesus absorbed:
The injustice
The pain
The consequence of sin
“Father, forgive them…” — Luke 23:34
He did not wait for an apology.
He extended forgiveness in the middle of the offense.
That is our model.
We forgive not because it’s fair—but because justice has already been satisfied in Christ.
8. The Process: Moving Forgiveness from Head to Heart
This is where breakthrough happens.
Step 1: Invite God to reveal
“Lord, who do I need to forgive?”
Let names surface.
Include:
Others
Yourself
Thoughts toward God
Step 2: Name the offense specifically
Not vague. Be clear.
Step 3: Acknowledge the emotional impact
This is critical.
Rejected
Worthless
Betrayed
Dirty
Abandoned
If it doesn’t touch the emotional core, it’s incomplete.
Step 4: Choose forgiveness out loud
“Lord, I choose to forgive ___ for ___, because it made me feel ___.”
Step 5: Release the debt to God
“They owe me nothing. I give this to You.”
Step 6: Repeat as needed
Healing is layered. Stay with each memory until peace begins to replace pain.
9. Forgiveness, Repentance, and Amends
This is where Thrive brings necessary clarity.
Forgiveness ≠ ReconciliationForgiveness ≠ Trust restored
Reconciliation requires repentance and change.
If someone:
Says the right words
But shows no transformation
Then amends become religious theater, not restoration.
Jesus looks for fruit (Matthew 7:16).
Sequence:
Forgiveness → releases the heart
Repentance → transforms the life
Amends → demonstrates the change
10. Forgiving Yourself
Many will get free here—or stay stuck here.
Shame keeps people bound
Self-punishment resists grace
Truth:Forgiving yourself is agreeing with what God has already said.
“There is now no condemnation…” — Romans 8:1
You cannot walk in freedom while rejecting God’s mercy.
11. The Outcome: Freedom from the Past
Over time:
The memory may remain
But the emotional charge fades
You won’t be controlled by it anymore.
That is freedom.
You set a captive free—and realized it was you.
12. Closing: This is a Practice
Some people will need to forgive the same person multiple times.
That’s not failure—that’s formation.
Don’t say:
“Lord, help me forgive”
“Lord, I want to forgive”
Say:
“Lord, I choose to forgive.”
And keep choosing it.
Final Exhortation
Before we ask God to change us, help us, or send us to make amends, we must deal with the heart.
Forgiveness is not a feeling we wait for—it is a choice we make.
And sometimes we make it again… and again… until the weight lifts.
Because when we release others, we are the ones who become free.
Free from bitterness. Free from shame. Free from the past.
And finally ready for God to move us forward.