Self Control as a Fruit of The Spirit
Self‑Control “the last one on the list…”
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and… self‑control…” — Galatians 5:22–23 (NIV)
In our recent teaching series on the Fruits of the Spirit, we explored how what most people come to realize is that, in life, what is really missing are these fruits of the spirit. The lack of these fruits are what drive compulsive behaviors, bad decisions, toxic relationships and even addictions. What we often fail to recognize is that these fruits are not a result of our own will or “trying harder or “doing better” but are only manifested and THRIVE as a result of our growing relationship with God Himself. Likewise, self‑control is not merely a human effort but a by‑product of our relationship with God and the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives.
The Problem with "Just Getting Sober":
Being sober-minded is being a clear thinker. It’s about distancing ourselves from behaviors and bad habits. It's about getting away from the wrong influence so we can be clear-headed in judgments and behaviors. We shouldn't be intoxicated by our successes or totally defeated by our failures. Sober-minded is “calm, unhurried, marked by temperance, moderation, or seriousness. Being sober-minded is, in essence, living a life in “self-control.”
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” — Romans 12:2
“So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” — John 8:36
Traditional Sobriety: The White‑Knuckle Model
In most recovery systems, sobriety is the primary goal. Whether it’s alcohol, drugs, food, gambling, pornography, or toxic relationships — the focus is on stopping the harmful behavior.
While this is an essential and urgent first step, it often places the burden of change on sheer willpower. The unspoken message is: “If you can just stop doing this long enough, your life will get better. And for a short time, it might.
But here’s the reality: If self-control was within our own grasp, we wouldn’t have ended up in the cycle of addiction or bad behaviors that got us stuck in the first place. Likewise, like my friend Barry often says, "if we were good at taking other people’s good advice” we wouldn’t have nearly the amount of problems we seem to struggle with today. So it’s not usually a problem of knowing what to do and what not to do… the problem is in the actual doing.
This is where many people fall into what’s known in recovery circles as:
“White‑knuckling it” — clinging to the steering wheel of life with all your might, muscles tense, desperate to avoid crashing again.
“Dry drunk syndrome” — having stopped the behavior, but not healed the heart, the mindset, or the spiritual roots beneath it.
This is not freedom. This is just a change of masters. I often hear people say, they or someone they know is in a recovery group every night. While it may be necessary for a time, I doubt it is because they are exercising self-control.” They have simply traded a bad master like alcohol, anxiety and fear for a new one… But a new one that will now develop them instead of destroy them… so, we praise God and we look forward to a day when they will truly walk in freedom. But here’s the danger… Often times we trade our addictions and our old identity for a new one… but still one that isn’t free and we can get stuck in that cycle just as easily.
Matthew 12:43-45
“When an impure spirit comes out of a person, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. 44 Then it says, ‘I will return to the house I left.’ When it arrives, it finds the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order. 45 Then it goes and takes with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that person is worse than the first. That is how it will be with this wicked generation.”
Sobriety Is Not the Goal — Wholeness Is…
At Thrive, we don’t define recovery as merely quitting something. We define recovery as:
Becoming who God created you to be — whole, healed, Spirit‑led, and rooted in His truth.
That starts not with behavior modification, but identity transformation.
In the Thrive model:
You are not defined by your addiction or your past.
You are not “an alcoholic” or “a codependent” — you are a child of God, called to freedom and wholeness.
The goal is not just to be sober…not drink or not use — it is to live right‑minded and Spirit‑filled, every day.
That’s why Thrive emphasizes knowing your identity in Christ: Get the free book!!!
You were not made to live life in constant resistance to temptation. You were made to walk in the light, guided by truth, empowered by grace, and filled with the Holy Spirit.
Why Self‑Control Is a Fruit — Not a Force of Will
The Bible never teaches that self-control is something we produce on our own.
Instead, it is the final fruit listed in Galatians 5:22–23 — the natural result of a life rooted in the Spirit.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace… and self-control.”
White‑knuckling sobriety can keep us dry for a season — but it will never make us free. Why?Because we are trying to solve a spiritual problem with fleshly effort.
Only the Spirit of God can transform:
A heart that craves comfort from the world
A mind shaped by trauma or shame
A soul longing for validation, acceptance, purpose, and peace (AI even knows this)
Addiction Swapping: The Cycle of Dry Drunkenness
When our identity is still wounded, but the habit is removed, we reach for a new comfort. That’s what addiction substitution looks like:
Alcohol becomes prescriptions
Rx becomes social media
Social media becomes pornography
Porn becomes gaming or overeating
Even religious performance can become a new addiction
This is not healing. It is repainting the prison walls, not walking out of the cell.
Until our inner nature is changed, we will keep circling back to the next best “drug” — whatever soothes our wounds, numbs our fear, or validates our identity.
The Solution: Spirit‑Empowered Transformation
What makes Thrive different is our belief that real freedom begins with spiritual renewal:
Learning who you are in Christ
Allowing the Spirit to uproot the lies that shape your behavior
Receiving love, not earning approval
Moving from survival to surrender (remember this doesn’t mean just giving up it means finally giving IT up… control, performance, image, unhealthy obligations, relationships, etc).
Remember Thrive is not about perfection… it is about becoming willing to be perfected.
We don’t teach that you can “just say no” to sin. We teach that you say yes to the Spirit — and He leads you into freedom.
“Walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.” — Galatians 5:16
“So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come close to God, and God will come close to you.” — James 4:7-8
A Word to the Weary
If you’ve been fighting for freedom by sheer effort, you are not weak — you are just human. The flesh cannot fix what the Spirit must heal.
There is a better way — a way that starts with surrender, not striving.
You don’t need to grip the wheel harder. You need to give the wheel to God.
What Can We Do to Cultivate Self-Control?
*“And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you.
So often in recovery or personal transformation, we find ourselves asking the same anxious question:
“What should I do?” What if the problem isn’t that we don’t know what to do, but that we’ve not yet obeyed what’s already been revealed? The Holy Spirit is faithful. He doesn’t hide the path from those who ask sincerely.But He often withholds the next step until we obey the last one.
The Three Things We Can Do (For Others and For Ourselves)
In recovery, there is an old, wise saying that we can only truly do three things to help another person:
Love them
Pray for them
Tell them the truth
Trying to do more may not only fail — it might get in God’s way. But here’s the deeper wisdom:
These three apply not only to others, but to ourselves as well.
1. Love Yourself (As One God Has Redeemed)
“Love your neighbor as yourself.” — Matthew 22:39Implied: If you don’t love yourself rightly, you can’t love others fully.
This is not self‑centered love. It is grace‑informed love. You are not worthless. You are worth the blood of Christ.
To walk in self-control, you must:
Believe you are worth fighting for
See yourself as God sees you
Stop agreeing with shame, fear, and defeat
Loving yourself means learning to receive the love of God, and then live like it matters.
2. Pray for Yourself (And Invite God Into the Real You)
Not performance prayers. Not polished ones.Honest, raw, relational prayer that says:
“Show me what I’m not seeing.”
“Change my appetites.”
“Give me a heart of flesh instead of stone.”
“Fill the empty house with Your presence.”
“I don’t just want to stop sinning — I want to be free.”
This is how self-control is born:Not by resisting harder — but by receiving more.
Self-control comes from abiding in the Vine (John 15), not from struggling to stay on the branch.
3. Tell the Truth (To God, Yourself, and Others)
Freedom begins where the truth is spoken. That means being honest:
Saying how you really feel, even if it’s ugly or confusing.
Admitting what you don’t know, instead of faking clarity.
Acknowledging your blind spots, and asking God to reveal what’s hiding.
But it also means confessing this:
“I probably already know something I need to stop doing. And I haven’t stopped yet.”
That’s usually where self-control starts:Not by finding something new to do,but by ceasing what we already know is wrong —...what’s feeding the flesh,...what’s grieving the Spirit,...what’s numbing our soul.
The Holy Spirit does guide — but He often waits to show step two until we’re willing to obey step one.
A Gentle Invitation to Begin
We all struggle with self-control (and that means all of us). If you’re reading this and you feel stuck — maybe not in sin, but in paralysis —maybe the question isn’t “What should I do?”Maybe the question is:
“What have I already been told, but haven’t yet obeyed?”
Start there. Stop that thing.Confess it. Grieve it. Release it.And then ask the Holy Spirit to show you what’s next.