Uncovering and Defining Our Core Traumas
The PDF file above will be useful for individuals who are interested in digging into their own core traumas. In order to Thrive in our walk with Jesus, it is important to determine the lense through which we look at all aspects of life. This lens is a filter that effects every thought and decision and every relationship we have including our relationship God. This is a list of only the top few traumas. Trauma can come in thousands of forms. Your specific trauma may not be listed here or may not be described exactly the way you experienced it. These examples are offered just to get our thinking started on "how would I define my core trauma." The discussion should happen prayerfully, in group or with a professional counselor or trusted Christian friend.
Lord, show us where we have been deceived, what wounds were allowed to shape our thinking and our derail us from our path. Come into those places, Lord and show us Your truth.
Top 10 Common Core Traumas
Abandonment (Emotional or Physical)
Definition: The experience of being left physically or emotionally by a caregiver or loved one.Example: A child whose parent leaves the family or is emotionally distant.Daily Impact: Fear of people leaving, clinginess in relationships, panic when not responded to quickly.
Feeling rejected, left behind, or unimportant.
Can result in clinginess, fear of being alone, or self-sabotage in relationships.
Coping Mechanisms:
Clinginess or codependency
2. Fear of being alone
3. Sabotaging relationships
4. Over-giving to avoid being left or abandoned again
Attachment Wounds / Neglect
Definition: Inconsistent or absent caregiving that creates insecurity in emotional bonds.Example: A parent is physically present but emotionally unavailable.Daily Impact: Difficulty trusting others, self-reliance to a fault, fear of intimacy.
Emotional needs were not met in childhood.
Leads to insecure attachment styles: anxious, avoidant, or disorganized.
Coping Mechanisms:
Anxious or avoidant attachment styles
2. Emotional detachment or numbing
3. People-pleasing or performing for love
4. Fear of depending on others
Betrayal
Definition: The violation of trust by someone close.Example: A spouse has an affair or a friend gossips behind your back.Daily Impact: Struggles with trust, sabotage of close relationships, constant doubt of others’ intentions.
Trust was broken by someone deeply relied upon.
Can cause issues with trust, hypervigilance, or difficulty opening up to others or God.
Coping Mechanisms:
1. Hypervigilance (waiting for the next letdown)
2. Control issues
3. Trust avoidance
4. Testing or pushing people away
4. Abuse (Emotional, Physical, Sexual, or Verbal)
Definition: Harm inflicted on a person through cruel or violent treatment.Example: A parent constantly insults a child or hits them.Daily Impact: Deep shame, triggers from loud voices or certain touches, fear of authority figures.
Any form of mistreatment that left a deep scar.
Results in shame, worthlessness, body image issues, and chronic fear or rage.
Coping Mechanisms:
1. Self-harm or substance use
2. Dissociation or numbing
3. Hypersexuality or sexual withdrawal
4. Deep shame and negative self-talk
Shame / Toxic Guilt
Definition: Deep-rooted belief that one is inherently bad, broken, or unworthy.Example: Being told "You're a bad kid" rather than "You made a bad choice."Daily Impact: Self-sabotage, people-pleasing, inability to accept compliments or grace.
Deep belief that one is bad, broken, or unworthy.
Often internalized through repeated criticism or humiliation
Coping Mechanisms:
1. Perfectionism
2. People-pleasing
3. Over-apologizing
4. Self-sabotage or self-punishment
Loss / Grief (Death, Divorce, Separation)
Definition: Pain caused by losing a loved one or something significant.Example: Death of a sibling, divorce of parents.Daily Impact: Fear of getting close to people, numbing behaviors, unresolved sadness.
Unresolved grief can anchor someone in sadness or bitterness.
May create a fear of love or joy because of anticipated loss.
Coping Mechanisms:
1. Emotional shutdown
2. Refusal to get close again
3. Bitterness or resentment toward God or others
4. Escapism (TV, busyness, addiction)
Rejection / Exclusion
Definition: Being dismissed, ignored, or not accepted by others.Example: Being left out at school or overlooked for a promotion.Daily Impact: Social anxiety, constant need for approval, withdrawing to avoid being hurt.
Feeling not good enough, left out, or always on the outside.
Can lead to people-pleasing, perfectionism, or isolation.
Coping Mechanisms:
1. Social isolation
2. Overcompensating for approval
3. Self-rejection or self-criticism
4. Bullying others to avoid being the target
Witnessing Violence or Chaos
Definition: Exposure to violence or high-conflict environments, especially in childhood.Example: Growing up in a home with domestic violence or parental addiction.Daily Impact: Hypervigilance, jumpiness, deep need for control and predictability.
Growing up in unsafe environments (domestic violence, war, addiction in the home).
Leads to hyperarousal, PTSD symptoms, or controlling behaviors.
Coping Mechanisms:
1. Constant alertness / startle response
2. Control and routine obsession
3. Emotional detachment
4. Anxiety or panic attacks
Parentification / Role Reversal
Definition: When a child is forced to act like the parent to siblings or their own parents.Example: A 10-year-old cooking dinner and managing younger siblings because Mom is drunk.Daily Impact: Resentment, exhaustion, over-functioning, difficulty relaxing or receiving help.
Being forced to act as a parent to siblings or even to one’s own parent.
Creates resentment, over-responsibility, or difficulty asking for help.
Coping Mechanisms:
1. Over-functioning / rescuing others
2. Difficulty receiving help
3. Deep resentment or exhaustion
4. Identity tied to performance or usefulness
Religious or Spiritual Trauma
Definition: Harm caused by spiritual abuse, legalism, or distorted teachings about God.Example: Being told you’ll go to hell for asking questions or struggling with sin.Daily Impact: Fear-based faith, guilt over not being “good enough,” avoiding church or God.
o Misuse of faith, legalism, manipulation by religious authorities.
o May result in confusion about God’s character, guilt-based performance, or spiritual disconnection.
o Coping Mechanisms:
1. Legalism or rebellion
2. Fear-based faith or avoiding church
3. Confusion about God’s love and grace
4. Identity rooted in works, not sonship.
Additional Core Traumas to Consider
11. Identity Confusion or Suppression
Definition: Being pressured to conform to someone else’s expectation of who you are.Example: Being told you should become a doctor because “that’s what our family does.”Daily Impact: Imposter syndrome, indecisiveness, rebellion or deep internal conflict.
· Being told or pressured to be someone you're not (e.g., gender roles, family expectations, cultural norms).
· Can cause long-term confusion, performance-based living, or lack of purpose.
Coping Mechanisms:
Imposter syndrome
Chronic indecision or inauthenticity
Self-erasure to fit in
Deep inner conflict or rebellion
12. Emotional Invalidation
Definition: Being told your feelings are wrong, dramatic, or irrelevant.Example: A child crying and being told, “Stop being a baby.”Daily Impact: Numbness, emotional suppression, fear of vulnerability.
· Being told your feelings are wrong, too much, or ignored altogether.
· Often leads to emotional numbing, inability to express emotions, or a false self.
Coping Mechanisms:
Inability to name or express emotions
Emotional shutdown or volatility
Seeking validation externally
Shame for feeling anything deeply
13. Poverty or Financial Instability
Definition: Growing up without consistent access to basic needs.Example: Skipping meals or frequently moving due to unpaid rent.Daily Impact: Scarcity mindset, anxiety about money, overworking, hoarding.
· Growing up in survival mode, with unmet basic needs.
· Can lead to scarcity mindset, fear of success, or overworking to prove worth.
Coping Mechanisms:
Scarcity mindset
Hoarding or extreme frugality
Overworking / achievement addiction
Fear of generosity or rest
14. Medical Trauma / Chronic Illness
Definition: Physical suffering or ongoing medical issues that create helplessness or fear.Example: A child hospitalized for months with little explanation or support.Daily Impact: Fear of doctors, anxiety about bodily symptoms, over-identification with illness.
· Being in and out of hospitals, misunderstood by doctors, or feeling betrayed by one's body.
· Can lead to fear of the future, identity rooted in sickness, or seeking control.
Coping Mechanisms:
Health anxiety / hypochondria
Over-identification with illness
Avoidance of doctors or self-care
Depression or hopelessness
15. Bullying or Public Humiliation
Definition: Ongoing verbal, emotional, or physical attacks by peers or authority figures.Example: Being called names daily in school or humiliated in front of a crowd.Daily Impact: Low self-esteem, fear of social settings, desire to be invisible or overly dominant.
· Being mocked, excluded, or harassed by peers.
· Results in shame, social anxiety, or the belief “I’m not safe around people.”
Coping Mechanisms:
Social withdrawal
Masking or hiding true self
Aggression to protect oneself
Shame or constant fear of judgment
16. Unmet Expectations / Constant Criticism
Definition: Growing up under relentless pressure or never feeling good enough.Example: Only hearing feedback when you mess up, not when you succeed.Daily Impact: Perfectionism, anxiety around failure, chronic striving.
· Living under high expectations, never being “enough” in the eyes of parents, teachers, or coaches.
· Can lead to perfectionism, fear of failure, or chronic inner criticism.
Coping Mechanisms:
Perfectionism or procrastination
Self-criticism and low self-esteem
Performance-based identity
Fear of disappointing others
17. Parent Addiction or Mental Illness
Definition: Living with a parent who is unstable due to addiction or mental health issues.Example: A parent goes on drinking binges or has unpredictable emotional episodes.Daily Impact: Codependency, fear of unpredictability, difficulty relaxing.
· Growing up in a home where a parent was emotionally unavailable, unsafe, or unpredictable.
· Fosters codependency, hyper-responsibility, or identity tied to rescuing others.
Coping Mechanisms:
Over-functioning / caretaking
Codependency
Fear of instability or unpredictability
Distrust of authority figures
18. Legal or Systemic Injustice
Definition: Being treated unfairly by systems (legal, racial, economic).Example: Being wrongly profiled or denied opportunity based on background.Daily Impact: Anger, bitterness, sense of injustice, resistance to authority.
· Experiencing or witnessing unfair treatment due to race, gender, class, or background.
· Can lead to deep anger, bitterness, and a struggle to believe in justice or grace.
Coping Mechanisms:
Deep mistrust of institutions or authority
Anger or activism (healthy or unhealthy forms)
Internalized oppression
Shame or fear based on identity
19. Forced Silence or Secrecy
Definition: Being pressured to hide abuse, dysfunction, or pain.Example: Being told “What happens in this house stays in this house.”Daily Impact: Secret keeping, shame, double life, difficulty trusting or being known.
· Being told “Don’t talk about this” (especially around abuse, addiction, or family issues).
· Encourages hiding, secrecy, isolation, or double life patterns.
Coping Mechanisms:
Keeping secrets
Difficulty being vulnerable
Living a double life
Bottling emotions until they explode
20. Lack of Safety in the Womb or Infancy
Definition: Exposure to violence, rejection, or emotional chaos before or shortly after birth.Example: A mother considers abortion or is in constant stress while pregnant.Daily Impact: Deep-rooted fear, separation anxiety, lifelong sense of "not belonging."
· Though hard to recall, being unwanted, exposed to violence, or instability before birth or in early life can create deep fear and insecurity.
· Often manifests as anxiety with no clear cause or fear of existence itself.
Coping Mechanisms:
Chronic anxiety
Deep-rooted insecurity
General distrust of the world or self
Struggles with attachment or identity